I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
