I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
