I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
nutella sex= disaster
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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