When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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