they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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