i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
