Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
