You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
