I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
