Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
