Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
smell my finger.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
