he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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