ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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