____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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