He kissed a someone with a penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
