i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
high people should be assigned attendants
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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