look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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