Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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