Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
