i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize