mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.