and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.