when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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