I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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I think your dad took our porno
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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