Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
