I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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