$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
