He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
