she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
