I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
