Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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