He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Two words: nipple clamps
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