new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
God, I missed his penis.
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