How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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