if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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