i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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