it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We are two peas in an std pod
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize