You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
