I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
