bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
