so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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