they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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