Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize