Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
