The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
