I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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