I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
