I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
