We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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