never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
