wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
