it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
