Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
