After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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