so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
