Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
