Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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