By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
