i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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