AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
