I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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