quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Randomize
