What did we do last night that was yellow?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
