if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
