her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
