where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's always time for handjobs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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