i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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